Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
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