I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
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He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
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Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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