But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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