Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize