two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
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