hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
two words: eviction party
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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