"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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