we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I enjoy the company of your penis
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize