Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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