Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize