i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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