She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
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I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
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