Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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