Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
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The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
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We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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