My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I didn't notice because vodka
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize