There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
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she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
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He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
You may now shotgun with the bride
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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