The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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