...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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