We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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