i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
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Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
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I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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