He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
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Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
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I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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