It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize