it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
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I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
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Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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