i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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