Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Randomize