I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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