lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
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I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
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So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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