Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
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Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
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I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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