I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
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Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
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Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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