sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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