So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize