he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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