yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
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