She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
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I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
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WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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