i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
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