I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
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