Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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