If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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