All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
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he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
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I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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