So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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