If i come over, it means nothing
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
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I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
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He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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