she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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