fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Randomize
