just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
