no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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