let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
