Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
