Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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