Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize