you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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