omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize