so explain again why im purple
no
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
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I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
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I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize